Simply, I became so lazy that I don’t want to do anything this night. I don’t want to even read books. Outside is raining. My life seems becoming pretty well these days. I somehow keep trying something everyday and that kind of things gradually makes my confidence. Cleaning toilet, doing online English lessons, publishing a newsletter for students everyday, and writing fiction day by day. The key word is step by step.
Today is a substitute day off for a school event of half marathon competition on Saturday, so it felt like a Sunday for me today. So, I spent today just for pleasing myself, and then I found that living just for your pleasure is very lonely. Now I realize the beauty of working for someone else, and spend time with friends or colleagues.
Sometimes I find myself have pretty ambivalent feelings. One of the most frequent such feelings is I want to be totally free from anyone, but I feel so lonely and miss people. Then, I feel like why I’m such a mentally unstable person. Whey can’t I be normal just for long time. But, maybe this is me. I can hardly say “I’m lonely.” to anyone, but then, I send text randomly to my friends. If I could say “I’m lonely” to my lover, how much can I close to be true me.