A night I don’t want to do anything

Simply, I became so lazy that I don’t want to do anything this night. I don’t want to even read books. Outside is raining. My life seems becoming pretty well these days. I somehow keep trying something everyday and that kind of things gradually makes my confidence. Cleaning toilet, doing online English lessons, publishing a newsletter for students everyday, and writing fiction day by day. The key word is step by step.

Today is a substitute day off for a school event of half marathon competition on Saturday, so it felt like a Sunday for me today. So, I spent today just for pleasing myself, and then I found that living just for your pleasure is very lonely. Now I realize the beauty of working for someone else, and spend time with friends or colleagues.

Sometimes I find myself have pretty ambivalent feelings. One of the most frequent such feelings is I want to be totally free from anyone, but I feel so lonely and miss people. Then, I feel like why I’m such a mentally unstable person. Whey can’t I be normal just for long time. But, maybe this is me. I can hardly say “I’m lonely.” to anyone, but then, I send text randomly to my friends. If I could say “I’m lonely” to my lover, how much can I close to be true me.

2 responses to “A night I don’t want to do anything”

  1. Cris says:

    Step by step is a good way to go. And I think life is all about balance. We can’t always work, or our spirits will die. But I think having too much free time can also kill our spirit because we have nothing to look forward to, like the feeling of getting to go home and work on your creative hobbies.

    Like

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