Through my life, I have experienced so much painful moments and countless delightful moments, but I can’t remember the painful moments that much, and this is not because I’m not good at remembering facts but I have tried to forget the things that hurt me unconsciously. So, basically, to remember the time when you first felt your heart broken was a bit difficult thing because remembering the heart broken thing equals to face my silliness or ugliness. But, let me try.
Surprisingly, the scene I hit upon when I heard the topic, Remember the time when you first felt your heart broken, was a teaching person who was an English teacher at a cram school. There was a teacher who had been taught for me English for about 6 years. His name was Mr. Moriwaki. The first time I met him was when I was 11 years old of elementary student. I didn’t need to go to cram school from that age though, my mother really liked to make me taking some lessons for studying or piano, etc. I didn’t felt my life was controlled that much at that time because she just suggested me, and I was just interested in seeing a new world.
Mr. Moriwaki was a really kind but strict, humorous but serious, such kind of teacher. Everyone liked him, and the fonts of his writing on the blackboard was really cute unlike 35 years old looking man. His way of talking really make us laugh, he gave me a lot of advice in my life. Since I didn’t read books that much, my philosophy from my junior high school days to high school days was very influenced by the teacher. He was a kind of my lighthouse in my life. I was meeting him 3 times a week since I was 11 to 17 at the cram school.
And that was when I was the 17 years old, sophomore in my high school. I forgot a homework and textbook on that day, so I made apologize to him before his class. His face was a bit angry though, I though it was just another usual class. After finishing 90 min. class, he suddenly began talking seriously. I’ve seen his serious face for a long time though, it was a little bit different from what it used to be.
Then, he opened his mouth and said “I’m really feeling sorry for to say this though, this class is the last English class of me”. The exact time I captured what he said the line, my tears run on my face with no consciousness. I had no idea why I was crying, and actually I didn’t notice that I was crying. But when I realized I couldn’t stop my tears, he was saying like “I’m so sorry, but I am the son of my father, and I have to take care of him”. I want to recall what kind of thing did he say at the moment, but the only thing I remember is I was crying so hard like I had never experienced.
After coming back to my house, telling my parents what I had just heard with crying. I had no idea why I’m crying so hard, but gradually, eating the supper with crying, I realized that this was a kind of my first experience of losing some precious person. I lost my great grandparents or some relatives so far though, I didn’t cry that much. Something was totally different from these. I was deeply, deeply shocked and cried hard. Before that day and after that day, I have never experienced that I was crying with no recognition or consciousness at all. I was crying like breathing air. And I realized that the true heart breaking doesn’t have any sounds.